After reading this post, I recognized myself. I recognized myself not from the side of the vehicle, but from the side of her mother. No, I do not consider myself aggressive and inconsistent, but several years ago I was able to realize myself as a person with a lack of empathy. To be honest, I never suspected this in myself, although maybe I should have guessed before, for example, when I saw my daughter in the hospital, the thought simply appeared in my head: "I am responsible for her" and that's it. It really seemed to me that I loved my husband, and I suffered after the divorce, but then I realized that I was suffering not from the fact that he left, but from the fact that I was just scared to be alone. The enlightenment came a couple of years later, when I parted with a young man and he told me that I never loved him. It sounded crazy to me, how could he say that, because I never cheated on him, I did everything for him, lost weight for him, isn't this an indicator of love? The breakup was painless enough and I had time to think that he could be right. I was able to realize that something was really wrong with me. When someone complains to me about their life, I have no words of sympathy, I can only repeat the formulaic phrases that I have heard somewhere or seen that they say so. When someone shares his joys, I can only say - "well, good" and then, because something needs to be said. I am silent at birthdays, because I don’t know what to wish for, I don’t have friends, because I don’t know what to talk to them about. People around me probably consider me a cynic, cruel, with too black humor. I am not aggressive as a mother of a vehicle, but I think my daughter will also have something to tell a psychologist when she grows up. Sometimes I try to get her to talk about how she's doing, how is life, but I don't know how to ask questions correctly, I ask those questions that psychologists forbid, about school, about grades, we walk in silence from home to school, because that I don't know what to talk to her about, and the evening is just homework. I really try to do everything possible for her, so that they do not think about me that I am a bad mother, all kinds of circles, the most beautiful bows, but every time looking at her in my head there is only one thought, which was from the very beginning in the hospital: "I carry responsible for it. "
I stopped by my parents today
they have a problem. The third day one TV does not show. The second shows, but this one does not.
Silently walked over, pulled the plug out of the socket. After a couple of seconds, put everything back, and the TV shows all the channels again.
Mom hugged me and said: how smart you are.
love and help your parents
I wrote for a long time that I had a terrible relationship with my mother. Her malice, insensitivity, violence, mixed with rare outbursts of acceptance, kindness and support, notably broke my brain. They seem to love me. But on the other hand, they act like they hate it.
Example - I came late from class, was late by an hour - her reaction is shouting, throwing objects at me, hours of hysteria and stories that she almost went crazy with anxiety. The control was constant. If the phone runs out of power and she could not call the fifth time a day, I am an enemy of the people.