Okay, I did it. I said I never would, but here I am two years in, officially having joined the thousand other Aussie’s living in London. And when I say officially, I mean literally. I’m living in Wandsworth which unbeknownst to me prior to signing my rental lease, is where all the Aussies in London are. Well, here and Clapham to be exact.
If you’re reading this and have taken that long ass flight back home, then props to you for appearing roughly human after twenty plus hours in the air filled with bad food and screaming babies. Unless of course, you were in business or first class. Then, can we be friends?
However, if you’re like me and still living in the land where a week of 23 degrees is considered a heat wave and your taste buds are craving a good cup of coffee, then I’m sure you can relate to the below.
- People lie when they say they’re no spiders in London. There are!
- You completely freaked out when you realised the chip packets were different colours and you almost ended up with prawn cocktail instead of salt and vinegar.
- People love to tell you about a novelty store they know that sells Vegemite and Tim Tams.
- People assume you live in Clapham and ‘The Ship’ is your local hangout. They may or may not be correct.
- You thought you’d taken a wrong turn when the beach you traveled miles to was covered in pebbles. Ummmm where’s the sand?
- You will never ever call chips crisps, lollies sweets, or pants trousers. Even if that means you get a lot of weird looks when it’s cold outside and you say “I wish I wore pants today.”
- It’s cheaper to fly somewhere than take a train.
- You were extremely confused the first time you saw someone sun baking in the park. And when it was only 22 degrees. Ummmmm aren’t you cold?
- People keep comparing Tim Tams to Penguins. They’re not the same, they’re just not.
- Cockfosters will never not be funny.
- You have a favourite Pret wrap and you’d sell your soul to nab the last one.
- You spend every other weekend in Europe because flights are cheap AF.
- Calling a person fit will only ever mean they’re physically fit. If they’re attractive then they’re hot. Hot and fit have two different meanings people!
- When someone from home sends a care package it’s like winning the lottery.
- You didn’t know how good you had it until you were subjected to overpriced and limited variations of sushi.
- You laugh to yourself when people say 23 degrees is a heat wave.
- Cadbury will always taste better back home.
- You’ll never understand having to pay to use a public bathroom.
- You learn to drown out those who say “Why would you ever leave Australia?”
- You spend the summer months entertaining friends from home while they make a ‘stopover’ during their European holiday.
- You pinch yourself at how cheap the alcohol is and that you can drink in public spaces.
- Dessert is dessert and pudding is pudding. Simple as that.
- You feel like you’re living the high life when your friends ask what you did on the weekend and you respond “oh I just went to Paris”, sounding as casual as if you had said you were washing your hair.
- You know what people mean by real pubs now.
- You miss the days of living with less than five people.
- You get excited when you see the words bank holiday on a calendar and you actually get the day off.
- The confusion of “you alright” as a greeting.
My favourite is probably the Tim Tam vs Penguin one. I’m on a mission to convince every Londoner that there’s just no comparison. Tim Tams are without a doubt the superior biscuit. Double Coat of course!